Overmorrow on the River of Time

on the other part of that breakdown
24/03/2019. total words: 634

The biggest mistake I ever made was living for tomorrow knowing there'd be no day after it. Living for tomorrow knowing there'd be no overmorrow, living on a countdown until the day I graduated highschool or the day I put a gun in my mouth. Because we all fuckin' know that nobody cares after you graduate, you never see them anymore and they'll find out in five, ten years in time for the reunion but it'll have been so long they won't care. Because you're on a countdown on until you live or die, and you've got to make your choice. You've got to make a choice to live or die, thinking it'll be the night you finally snap and either you say it's time to start running into today or to fall before the dawn of yesterday. But it isn't like that, it really and truly isn't, it's one step and two step and three steps and four steps back today still means two steps forward, and you don't even realize it, you never actively made the choice but you just kept going, one foot in front of the other -
And suddenly it's the day after tomorrow, it's the overmorrow of the day you never expected to live to see and you didn't make this fucking choice, really, but here you are, here I am, and now what the fuck are we going to do? Look up. Look around. Realize that maybe slam poetry isn't just a weekly excuse to not go home for another hour, maybe that you can do something with this, take it with you as you didn't take your highschool classmates, maybe you can talk to people you never knew, and find a new way to live. Maybe you talk to your old teachers once or twice to see where you need to go, where forward is meant to be and where maybe you can live for today.
Because you knew tomorrow would come, but not your overmorrow, because you didn't have to make the choice tonight without ever realizing that time never stops. Because you look back and all the todays you missed, all the years you spend living on a countdown and never considering that maybe you never had to live this way, maybe there was a few experiences you missed out on.
Maybe there's a weekly meeting of writers just like you down in New West and you never knew 'til your overmorrow, 'til the day after tomorrow, because here you are and your overmorrow is today. Here you are, here I am, and maybe there's something worth living for. Maybe it ain't just the end of the river of time where you divert your course or fall off the waterfall, maybe it's time to catch a fish in the soothing waters or ride the rapids in the racing pace of life.
Look up. Look around. Take the gun from your mouth even if you won't spit out the bullet you haven't swallowed quite yet. You don't need to be a prisoner in your own room. Get the keys, shove them in the ignition and turn the lock and the key to your salvation.
Maybe there's something worth living for, and maybe I haven't seen it yet. Maybe I have, and don't quite realize it. Look up, look around. Your tomorrow always comes, but it never really does, because it becomes today. Your overmorrow will come to you. Go and find the day after tomorrow. The river never ends, you know. Maybe you need the shallows, maybe you need the rapids. But you won't know until you take a hold of the oars. You know your day after tomorrow will come to you. Your overmorrow won't stop its course now.
So meet it when it does.